Comrade Ungern

Illegitimate daughter of a Cuban millionaire and an exiled White-Russian baroness, Ungern was reared in the palatial casinos of pre-revolution Havana. Escaping to Italy after the Communist takeover, Ungern found herself bereft of family and fortune. She worked as a palm-reader and Can-Can girl in Rome before discovering Marxist philosophy. Forsaking her aristocratic roots, Ungern joined a revolutionary cadre in Madrid, where she ran a safe-house and molotov-cocktail factory before fleeing charges of Communism and money-laundering to arrive under an assumed name in the United States. Her revolutionary zeal undaunted, Ungern has gone underground, starting a Marxist cadre deep in the suburban heart of Capitalist America. To make ends meet she teaches English and foments unrest in a bourgeoise highschool.

comrade ungern

col. sternberg

Col. Sternberg

Son of a Manchester cotton-mogul's daughter and a prominent British Peer, Sternberg's father overrode his mother's birthing-bed objections to name the boy "Col." in the hopes of a hawkish sentiment and a distinguished military career. Col. Sternberg was educated in Rugby School and the Royal Military College, Sandhurst, had a brief but torrid teenage affair with his only sister, and read far too much Rudyard Kipling for his own good. When the peach-fuzz of adolescence had grown into the burly and manful moustache of adulthood, Col. Sternberg set out to survey the high and uncharted places of the world, serve as emissary of the British Crown to the peoples residing therein, and combat the ceaseless maneuvering of an ever-restless Northern Power, whose covetous eyes are known to gaze forever southward...

Timmy the Yak

Timmy the Yak was born in Tibet. At an early age, an unscrupulous dealer in the Leh Bazaar sold him to a wandering foreigner, in the service of whom he set out to travel the world. Although he occasionally misses his home and herd, Timmy's loyalty to Col. Sternberg never wavers.

timmy the yak

Comrade Finger

Born Archibald P. Finger to the wife of a small-town undertaker in Kansas, Comrade Finger never discovered whether he was a legitimate child, or the son of a travelling vacuum-cleaner salesman with whom his mother was known to have fornicated one drab Wednesday eight months or so before his birth. Comrade Finger is a member of multiple organizations, including the Masons, The Republican Party, the National Taxidermists Association, the AA, and the Communist Party of America. Although Comrade Finger comes to cadre meetings regularly, Ungern suspects that he is most interested in the women and the sloe gin.

Zhen Daomei

Comrade Zhen Daomei is in many ways the most enigmatic member of the cadre. Comrades Ungern and Finger believe that she is a high-level Chinese Communist sent from Red Peiping, bent on assiduously subverting Capitalist society and inflaming proletariat revolution upon the immaculate lawns of bourgeoise America. This isn't totally certain, however, because Zhen Daomei doesn't speak English. Anyway she seems cheerful enough.

the shadowy foreign masters

The Shadowy Foreign Masters

KGB? NKVD? PSB? NEWB? It's impossible to say for certain. The Shadowy Foreign Masters contact Ungern by Instant Messanger in the dark of night, plotting Communist revolution, spinning dark webs of Bolshevism beneath the floorboards of the Free World, ever mysterious, ever pursuing their inscrutable but indubitably nefarious agenda...

Karl Marx

Born 1818 in Trier, Prussia, Marx was the president of the Trier Tavern Club drinking society before leaving for France, where he developed a Fetish for the Commodity. Moving to Britain, he and his wife lived in Soho where he dabbled in amateur dramaturgy and cultivated a really stylin' 'stache until his death in 1883.

karl marx

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art: Hannibal Taubes | web design: Rae Yan | last updated: July 16, 2008